The Hardest Part of My Sabbatical? Loneliness.

This week’s essay was a big one. It is about the most unexpected part of my sabbatical - loneliness. I went from a buzzy, always-on schedule to true quiet. Sounds dreamy, right? Well, I thought so, too….until I realized that while that space brought insight, it also brought it’s shadow friend, loneliness. If you found this, too, I’d love to hear more about it in my DMs or the comments.

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I have always had people around me. Family. Friends. Colleagues.

But when I stepped away from work, it was as if the floor dropped out from under me.

My work network was shocked and uncomfortable (not intentionally, of course). And so, too, were my friends and family (though perhaps more gracious).

This was not something I had anticipated; although, looking back it seems pretty obvious. I figured out pretty quickly that what I thought was going to be a quick break extended into a longer journey.

Here I uncovered the hardest part of my sabbatical: It was the most alone I have ever felt. And as an extrovert, that was not just uncomfortable. It was brutal.

Trying to Fill the Void

I tried therapy but it wasn’t quite right. After years of processing my past, I knew that wasn’t a fit for this moment.

I tried calls and coffee dates but often felt like I was performing, trying to make the other person (and myself) feel less uncomfortable about my own choice. I showed up with what seemed like certainty when truthfully, I couldn’t have been further from it.

And I most definitely did not feel like I could post on LinkedIn. What would I even say?

What I craved was simple. To be connected to other people with similar backgrounds, at similar moments, who had made the same decision. Some who were right in it with me. Some just ahead. And some who had, somehow, made it to the other side.

I didn’t need answers. I didn’t even need conversation. I just wanted to sit in a room with people like me. Where I didn’t have to explain. Where I didn’t have to say a word. Where the shared energy of being seen was enough.

The Power of Attunement

Recently I read an essay by Daniel Thorson called The Essence of Healing. He describes attunement as the act of being deeply present with another person and that, “Healing follows a simple principle: when suffering meets loving, attuned presence, it naturally unfolds.” I read this as a reminder that attunement is presence with someone who knows, in their bones, what you are living through because they have also experienced it.

That is why it feels so powerful when you meet someone else who has stepped off the same ledge. They do not need an explanation. You do not have to find the words. The simple act of being with them carries a kind of resonance that is hard to describe.

For example, if you’ve ever been to a walk / run fundraiser for a specific cause like breast cancer, ALS, MS, etc., you quickly understand that the physical activity is the cover for what’s really going on there - deep attunement. The joy of just “being” in the presence of others who deeply understand your own experience.

For me, every time it happens, it feels like another stitch closing a wound; healing me bit by bit.

The Absence of What I Needed

I wish that I could tell you I found my solution to this.

I never did.

It is THE reason I started this Substack.

Even now, two and a half years later, when I stumble upon someone who has experienced a sabbatical, whether we meet online or in real life, I still feel the same repair. Another stitch. Another bit of healing.

An Invitation

So if you are new here, welcome. I see you. You do not have to have it figured out. You can just read or - better yet - listen to my words and hopefully feel your own small attunement with me.

I am working on new ways to support others going through this kind of transition (see more below), but in the meantime, here are a few things I learned about how to address the loneliness of a sabbatical on your own:

1. Name it. Loneliness lost some of its sting when I was finally able to acknowledge it.

2. Lower the performance mask. Even if you can do this with just one trusted person, it matters. Find that one person who you know is now judging your decision and connect.

3. Seek micro-attunement. Notice the people, even strangers, who “get it” without words. I was forced to get really present in my day to day life and it was remarkable the resonance I could have with even the check out woman at the grocery store.

4. Create small rituals of connection. I found a well-written book or article or a listen to a meaningful podcast connected me to other people’s experiences in a helpful way.

5. Remember: this is temporary. The loneliness is not forever. And, some of it is actually part of the process. You will get to the other side.

You’ve Got This

This period will not always feel like an open wound. Over time, stitch by stitch, you become whole again. Each encounter, each moment of attunement, each small act of being seen repairs something inside you. You may not notice the healing right away, but one day you will look back and realize the wound has closed, and you have carried yourself into a new chapter of life.

If you’ve made it this far with me, I invite you to follow or subscribe for more or check out my previous articles. Or, DM me anytime.

See you next week.

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Hi everyone!

If this article spoke to you and you are a professional woman in midlife at any point on her sabbatical journey, I have a solution I’ve been working on that I’m excited to share.

I’m kicking off a beta cohort in October 2025 to help professional women on sabbatical maximize their investment in themselves and confidently navigate this valuable but uncertain time with others doing the same (guys - don’t worry - more for you later!). The group program is limited to just 8 spots. I’m also offering beta pricing for this first round.

If this sounds like you, please fill out this short expression of interest form and I’ll send you some more information.